why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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