I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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