Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
