i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
