I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
