Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
