Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
