now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
why do cheetos always look like penises
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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