uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
