Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My ass is underappreciated
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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