I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
