would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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