dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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