Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
