shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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