Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
