do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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