dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
