she woke up with a sticky ear
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
zippers are such a cool invention
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Someone came in the potted fern
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
