we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
