paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
