yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
