i think my tv is drunk
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
