he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
