I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
