i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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