Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize