i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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