Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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