So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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