If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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