Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
