what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
