fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
