There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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