Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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