No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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