you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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