yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
