idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
