Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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