The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
