he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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