Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
