Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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