my vag is so smooth its legendary
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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