I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
