dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
