His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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