Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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