maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
