Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
