I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize