I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
