it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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