So gin and wine won't be happening again
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
