Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
