I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
