wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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