Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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