I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
