If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize