there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
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