Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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