Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
