ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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