I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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