Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
