New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
