remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You were trust falling into bushes
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
